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A Diary Page

its 1 a.m. and i dont feel sleepy.2 weeks left and i'll be giving my last shot(my entrance exam at ignou).
hope it works,works for my best try so far.
I am too lazy to dance rite now but don't want to sleep as well.
there is silence,which is not a pain,but my my mind still not in rest.
Jumping from one thought to the other there is a clash with no issue inside.
I want to know the reason,when you don't opt doing something,is it your ego,a wrong set perspective or a right something from within that stops you?
decision as simple like making a phone call becomes debatable for mind sometimes.and more often with someone like me who always is thinking what it would have been like if "i chose that" when "i choose this".the dilemmas have become my identity probably.
i have started living like a confused and dull being who do self pity and look for people's acceptance.
this was definitely not me.i was different few years back.enjoying every bit of my life with people who were around already and not waiting for ones who wanted to leave.
though i have been lucky to encounter good people always who later become good friends.but sometimes you need more."need of more" makes you feel "empty"today,which is surely not good for mental health.
i killed time in past in emptiness which i regret today .i was lost in my self created "dilemmas" .
i doubt whether my college friends know me exactly "who i am" or do even  i know that fully?
i have not gone crazy,but just forgotten to think about myself in past few years.
i did more to stay connected with lives lived around me rather than of my own.though i did no wrong as those were my friends but truth is no one stays with you for every moment other than yourself.so knowing oneself ,the "real oneself" is really necessary.
my process has begun to get myself back,soon be able to introduce the girl :)
































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